Tuesday, October 23, 2012

It keeps getting better, but why does it make me sadder! (YES, SADDER)

Apparently I am on a 4 month cycle of writing posts.  I would like to say it's because I'm sooo busy doing wonderful things with Baby Daddy and Miyagi..... but most of it's sheer laziness :-)  BUT.... I did have a vital organ removed (okay, vital is probably not even close, but an organ was removed) so that kept me down for a while.

SIDE NOTE: Even though the only people who read this are those who know me, I'm probably going to use this blog in 10 years when my memory is completely gone to remember things that happened.  Gallbladder removed, check! Realization that Baby Daddy is amazing and steps up to the plate to be Mr. Mom, check!

The other day, while Jake and the Neverland Pirates was on, I found myself staring at Miyagi.  Not just gazing, but staring!  Like Level 5 creeper at the bar staring.  I just continue to be so amazed at him.  I know my last post talked about realizing that I was IN LOVE with him, and that hasn't changed.... the love and sheer amazement just keeps getting stronger.  Who knew that your heart was the most elastic muscle in your body (it is a muscle, right?)  It can just expand and grow beyond comprehension.

I'm just so proud of him.  Every new thing he does or says I just want to jump up and down and tell the world!  (generally I just send all my friends pictures of him doing pretty mundane stuff, but I think it's awesome... and because they are my friends, they better think it's AWESOME, too)!

And you know what, damnit, I'm proud of myself! (and Baby Daddy, but this isn't his blog).  Being a mom is NOT easy!  You doubt yourself, ALL THE TIME!  You sacrifice, a LOT! Your job never ends.  But it's so worth it!  And so far.... I think I've done a pretty awesome job with this little one! I would hope that I have taught him some things.  I hope my cheers for him when he does something give him the confidence that he needs to try new things (but new things does NOT include new foods, still working on that).  I hope that saying 'NO' to him teaches him that sometimes I do know best, but that NO doesn't mean I don't love you. 

It does keep getting better, but with each new word and milestone, my heart hurts a little more.  He's growing up.  Sure, he's not dating (even though he does give smooches and FaceTime with his boo) or going off to college yet, but it's all happening so fast!

I am excited for each new step, but for every CHEER, I secretly shed 2 TEARS (damn, that was good!)
I'm trademarking that.... somehow! This counts as documentation.  Maybe I'll make shirts and get famous!