Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Motherly Guilt: The 8th Deadliest Sin

Feeling guilty is probably one of the WORST feelings ever, almost as bad as that feeling that you want to throw up but you just can't!  A few weeks ago, I experienced an episode of tremendous guilt. Let's go back.

My ABD decided, after a weekend getaway, for his college homecoming, that I needed a break of my own.  He realized this when he woke up at 10am on a Saturday morning, completely UNHEARD of in my life, and thought "Baby Mama has been up with Miyagi for hours already".  When he came home he suggested that I take a weekend and go visit one of my besties in Atlanta. For the next few days I was on a roller coaster of emotions and I hate roller coasters!  Part of me wanted to go and spend some time just for myself and eating Taqueria del Sol (if you've never been, you've never lived) but then part of me couldn't think about living Miyagi!  I had never spent the night in a house or hotel without him.  Also, as dumb as this sounds, considering my ABD is great at what he does, I didn't want him to be stressed out handling Miyagi all by himself. 

I toyed with the idea of going for a few days.  I went to look for flights and they were RIDICULOUS! Almost $400 for a Friday evening-Sunday morning trip....OH HECKY NAW! (hahaha).  But, then that ABD chimed in with "you can't put a price on something like this"-->Really, where did he come from and how did I get so lucky?  I still wasn't convinced.  I decided the next day I should just do it.  I went online, put in my flight information and the flights had dropped to $130! Round trip!! I am a HUGE believer in signs, so I knew this was the powers above telling me, "Now you have no excuse." 

The time came and I had terrible anxiety about leaving.  I made a helpful (or what I considered) helpful tip list for ABD to follow. Again, he impressed me by telling me to call as many times I felt I needed and he was making sure he knew everything to do before I even left.  FAST FORWARD..........

I boarded the plane. I landed in Atlanta. Rode the Marta. Ate amazing Sushi. Took in a cultural event (Martinis and IMAX). Ate Taqueria (and a lot of it). Went shopping.  Enjoyed some ballet (my bestie is a teacher and her student was performing). Got a massage. Slept in until 8:30am! It was great.  But of course....as the title of this post suggests, there was guilt. 

Surprisingly...the guilt was... I felt guilty for NOT feeling guilty that I took time to myself.  I arrived home to a sweet moment.  First thing I see when opening the door.  My ABD with Miyagi taking a nap on his daddy's chest (dang it, when do these baby "hormones" ever go away, I am almost tearing up just thinking about that).

They survived and more importantly, I survived!

BONUS FOOTAGE: This made me think of other things that I should feel "Guilty" about, but in reality, I don't!
1.) Miyagi doesn't listen to "kid" music all the time.  Yeah, so what if he hears lots of Lil Wayne, Drake, and Outkast.
2.) Sometimes on the weekends, he watches cartoons in the morning--HOURS of them! Well, the TV is on. How much he takes in, I don't know.
3.) I give him those Gerber baby Cheeto looking things as part of his dinner.
4.) We don't read to him every single day.  Hopefully, the mortgage that I am shelling out, otherwise known as daycare, is making up for that. 
5.) When Miyagi falls, from trying to walk to fast, I giggle. 

Okay, that's enough for now.  

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Body after Baby

It's amazing what a woman's body can do when carrying a new life.  It's like a vessel for this precious human being to grow and develop into things that will defy all of our expectations.  But then, it happens.  The birth and all the things that happen after the birth.  That beautiful vessel becomes more like a ship that was taken over and destroyed, Captain Jack Sparrow style! And for the most of us, that's exactly how we feel about our bodies after.  We think "WHAT THE (BLEEEP) HAPPENED?!

Instead of embracing the awesomeness (yes, it's a word) of what our bodies were created to do, we agonize over everything!

Every little extra pound we haven't lost--even though you can't tell a woman who gained 40lbs and only had an 8 lb baby that those extra 32 pounds are "little". 

We have a countdown on the calendar of when we can be cleared to go workout again....6 weeks or 42 days or 1008 hours (in most normal situations).  Side note: I was highly "annoyed" at my 6 week check-up when the doctor asked "So, have you worked out yet?"  WHAT?! I thought you said I couldn't until I was cleared, have you seen me yet?? Therefore, NO! I have not.  I do try to follow the rules when possible (especially if it could cause me to bleed out on the gym floor, how embarrassing!")

We are keenly aware of how other people see us or how we want others to see us.  We are not afraid to "stretch" the truth on just how old our "newborn" is in order to make ourselves feel a little bit better to that young 20-something sales lady, as we shop for post-maternity clothes. "Uh, my baby is only a few months old"..when a few, really means 6ish -- (this is based on a real testimonial!)

Those parts of our anatomy that we were so proud of back in our prime, just seem so "sad" now.  How do you loose a butt?

And the worst culprit of them all, ladies, we have to STOP comparing ourselves to other women! Sure, there are some of those women who lose the weight rather quickly.  It never looked like they had a baby, except for the little spit up stains on their shirt that only another mom could notice...but that's okay if you don't fall into that category.  We are all built differently and we will all change differently, no shame in that game.

It's time to embrace our bodies! Embrace the stretch marks, embrace the extra little cushioning (that your baby loves to snuggle up with), embrace your "battle" scars..... you deserve it!  Remember...there is some woman out there who can't have a baby who would kill to have your body, the body that experienced what she may never be able too.

(uh....that ending was kind of deep, so I just wanted to add a little extra line of text, ya know, to take the edge off....like a nice glass of Reggae Blush wine).

Monday, October 17, 2011


Last week, I sat around thinking of what my next post would be and I came up with the perfect topic....but I  have to do an EMERGENCY post, first.

The use of EMERGENCY is very literal, as in, I spent 2 hours in the ER last night with Miyagi. Before I get into all the fun details, he is 100% fine!  Me, well, I'm at 92.8%.

Last Sunday, Miyagi realized that his hands and knees, when working together, could get him places he only thought were possible by screaming until someone moved him to where he needed to be.  The excitement of his freedom of course came with the realization that life would never be the same! No more setting baby down for a minute and knowing that he will be right where we left him before.  Over the course of the week his mobility (and quickness) improved!  Of course he whines for minute when "left" unattended, and by "left" I mean when someone is not glued to his side...but then he thinks "SCREW THEM, I'll get there on my own". 

Fast forward a week.  Please bear with me, as the guilt of being a negligent, but totally normal parent, is still a little raw.  I was getting ready to run a quick errand, and while trying to multi-task, I neglected to make sure Miyagi was safe!  I put him in his car seat...didn't buckle him in, and then attempted to put my purse down. Well, apparently Miyagi wasn't having some part of this ordeal and he CATAPULTED himself from his car seat onto the garage floor.  The cement garage floor, from an SUV! It all happened so quickly! I remember seeing him make a move, yelling "NO" (as if this would instantly put up a force field to stop him from doing what he was doing) and then he was on the ground. 

I think I blacked out for a split second because I can't recall if he was face up or face down when I picked him up.  He cried for a few seconds, as I ensured his brains weren't oozing from any gash, then he stopped crying, laid his head on my shoulder and was okay.  I called Baby Daddy and I swear I heard him somewhat chuckle when I explained the situation!

Cliff Notes of the rest:
- The pediatrician advised to go to the ER, just in case, since they were not open on the weekends.
- Physical Exam fine
- CT Scan fine (*not fun watching baby be held down! Also, convinced myself that if he had some sort of brain tumor this was the "miraculous" way we would have found out)
- Small little red mark near his eyebrow

I spent a good portion of the night replaying the scene in my head and feeling so incredibly guilty! The most important thing is he is okay and I will NEVER, NEVER let this happen again! I've also been comforted by the numerous mothers who tell me their own stories of injuries their children, or themselves have suffered (TV pulled down on their head, tumbles down the stairs, falls from couches, changing tables, etc.). 

Please learn from my mistake, even though I kind of hope you all have your own so I feel normal, (just kidding, sorta) and always make sure that your babies are safe! Nothing is more important at the moment than their safety! It's your job!

I've also been advised that as a mother of a boy, this is just the beginning!!

Inappropriate side note: I wonder how much this is going to cost me, thank you insurance!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Please remain seated......

while the pilot has the fasten seat belt sign lit.  In approximately 42 hours, Miyagi, my ABD and I will be embarking on our first plane ride!! 

Instead of being so excited for this upcoming adventure, my first thought was "F^%*, we are going to be THAT family".  You all know what I am talking about.  Remember the days, or for those of you still living in them, when you are sitting in your seat and you see a family with a baby boarding the plane.  You silently say a prayer to yourself, or maybe out loud, "PLEASE do not let them be sitting next to me, PLEASE". 

Well....guess what....move over! We're sitting right next to you!

I just hope Miyagi doesn't poop on the plane!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Get Some.......

In my opinion (isn't everything on this blog my opinion), getting your arsenal of Mommy Friends is a critical factor in your success as a mother! Now, don't get it twisted, you can't just have ANY sort of Mommy Friends.  There are certain MF's (ha, that's funny) that every mother should have...this isn't an all inclusive list, but I think it hits the majority of them.
*P.S. - An MF can be a family member, neighbor, co-worker whatever. Doesn't just have to be a "friend"

1. An Old Schooler:  This is the MF that doesn't believe in all the new-age hype. Their advice is based on things that worked for them in the past, even if it was 1947, but hey, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it".  You might hear an old schooler say things like "NEVER wake a sleeping baby" or "If you want your baby to not have an outtie (belly button) put some gauze and a half dollar on their naval"!  WARNING: If you are not an old schooler and you try to explain some new school stuff, they MIGHT just have heart attack. "WHAT, what do you mean babies can't sleep with blankets!"

2. The New Age/Research Parenter:  This is the MF who is really into different parenting theories on how to raise their children.  The theories range from when to feed a baby, how to get them to sleep, potty training, etc.  The best thing about these MF's....they have read the books, done the research, have things highlighted, tabbed, indexed and can tell you verbatim what to do.  What does this mean for you..... you don't have to do ANY of the "work" but can reap all of the benefits!  Thank you to all my BABYWISE mom's, you know who you are :-)

3. The Encourager:  I love this MF! Not that I don't love all the others, but this is the MF who makes you feel like you are the best mom in the world!  When you are doubting every decision you have made about your child's well being, this is the MF that will tell you, "You know exactly what to do".  Unfortunately, there are a lot of other Non-MF's (I feel I should shout out to Evelyn on Basketball Wives, even though it's not in the same context, I digress) who love to tell you what you are doing wrong, so having The Encourager around is critical.  Thank you to the one who told me "If you love your baby and feed your baby, you are doing a great job!"

4. The Newbie:  If you don't have one of these, and you are a mom, GET ONE...ASAP!  This may seem conceited in a way, but so what :-)  The Newbie is a new first time mom, who is MORE inexperienced than you are.  The best thing about them, they LOVE to know what you know!!!!  It's a total power trip, but hey, you deserve it...just use your power wisely.  You get to share all of your experiences with them and it makes you feel more experienced which increases your ability to raise your own kids.  It's Karma.  If someone helps you, you must help someone else.

5. Fun Times:  If you aren't sure if you have a Fun Time MF...just check your phone history, text messages, emails etc.  Is there another mom who you constantly interact with, send pictures of your kids, love to tell each other what's going on, what new stuff you found, set up fun play date?? If so, those are your Fun Time MF's! Mothering becomes so much more fun when you have several of these!  It's even better if your kids are close in age, say a few weeks apart :-)

BONUS MOMMY FRIEND: This one is extree (yeah, extreeeee) special!  The Bonus Mommy friend, is  not a mom at all!  This is the friend who despite not having kids, loves your kid! Not only does she (or he, I guess) tell you how amazing your baby is and LOVE to get pictures, but the BMF lets you also live vicariously through them...a life of "freedom". HA!  If you have really good BMF's, your baby may always be decked out in awesome baby gear (hello, Big Pony shirts or future MJ outfits). But that's not why we love them!

There are definitely more MF's out there, and even if you don't find yourself in one of these categories, the fact that you are a MF at all, well, that's more special than you know! So to all my MF's......xoxoxoxoxox! I wouldn't be the mom I am without you!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Just a Quickie.....

Get your minds out of the gutter, even though it's so nice to go there sometimes :-)  My next post was going to be about the critical "mommy friends" that I feel everyone should have, but I had to take a quick detour. 

I wanted to give a quick shot out to my, and all the other, AMAZING Baby Daddies (ABD's)!  (side note: Yes, I am married to Miyagi's dad, but I lovingly refer to him as Baby Daddy!). 

I had a great conversation with one of my favorite mommy friends this morning about how lucky we are to have amazing baby daddies!  Not just because they are there for our children, which they do a stand-up job of that, but more importantly...they are there for us! 

Sometimes as a mom we can lose ourselves in our new roles.  We get so wrapped up in taking care of our children, our homes, our husbands (or significant others) that we forget about ourselves.  This is where those ABD's come in.  They want to make sure that we take care of ourselves.  They knew us (in most, but not all situations) before we became moms so they know when we just aren't "ourselves".  They love us enough that they want for us to be WHOLE! Not just moms and wives....but they want us to be that woman.... that woman they fell in love with!

To all the ABD's .... I salute you!
And because I write this blog..... to my ABD.... Like you! Love you!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Ahhhh.....my first time

It's true, this is my first time.  My first time writing a blog and more importantly my first time being a mother.  I would like to throw out a few disclaimers to anyone choosing to read this. 

1.) I've never blogged before, so if there is blogging etiquette.. I don't know what it is! (and probably don't care)

2.) This blog will not be grammatically correct.  I have a HATE relationship with the comma! I think I should put it in places where it shouldn't be and probably don't put it in places where it should be.  So if you are a stickler for those types of things, turn around NOW! 

3.) I don't have a set format in mind....this may end up just being a bunch of ramblings.

4.) This blog should not be taken and used as advice that would be backed up by any sort of child psychologist, pediatrician or child research professional/expert.  

Now, that we have that out of the way! Let's begin!

I decided to write a blog for no other reason than I like to hear myself talk and I think that others should also hear what I have to say.  What you choose to do with it is on you.  We are all adults here! 

As I said before, I am a first time mom! Woohoo!  And let me tell you, it's by far the SCARIEST thing I've ever done in my life! My son, we will call Miyagi, (that's not his real name, but actually that is what we called the child during my pregnancy because we chose not to find out the gender) is 7 months of wonderful ooey-gooey goodness! I've had 7 months of realization that I have no clue what I am doing, but that is absolutely okay! 

Lesson #1: It's okay to admit that you have no clue how to take care of another human being.  It does not make you a bad mom! 

Lucky for me, I have an absolutely wonderful support system (the internet is NOT on the top of the list--see Lesson #2) who have helped me along. I'll talk about them in another post (Woah! Another post, I'm already thinking of my next post!)

Lesson #2: The internet is wonderfully damaging!  You can get GREAT information but also it can make you question everything you ever thought you may have known and also make you feel like an idiot by telling you things you didn't know but probably should have!

Okay, I've realized I could probably go on forever, but Miyagi is taking a nap....so I'm going to try and enjoy the maybe 17 minutes I have left watching some trashy tv (that he has absolutely NEVER seen in his life....does sarcasm come across well in blogs???) 

Until next time, HOLLA!