Thursday, January 9, 2014

Parent Tested, Kid Approved

So, it appears that I am right on track!  And actually, might be a few days early of my 6 month posting deadline!

I don't think this will be too long of a topic, but that's how it usually starts out. 

Question: How should your children address their elders (and as much as this hurts, "elders" just happens to be your friend that you've known for an eternity).

Answer: (insert long uncomfortable pause).....

There are many theories, or positions, that I've heard on this topic (hence why I am addressing it).  Some of it I feel is based in cultural roots, some is based on tradition or what you grew up doing, and then some...well, there is just no rhyme or reason.

Let's get into specifics.  I have a friend (several actually).  Say I've known this friend for a very long time.  Now I have a kid.  My kid can talk.  How should my kid address this friend? Let's use a "real" name to work through examples.  Say my friends name is Patti.

A.) Miss Patti
B.) Patti
C.) Pay-e (cause we know kids are NOT the best at articulation)
D.) Whatever Patti prefers for kids to call them
E.) Mommy's friend
F.) shouldn't really address mommy's friend because kids should not talk to adults
G.) a name that is acceptable for use by children

I think for the majority of my "old-school" (and I mean that in a good way) friends, the appropriate answer is A.  And I can see this; however I do have a few exceptions --- I find it a little more strange if say the friend was a male.  Mr. "X" just sounds WAY more formal. Also, if Patti happens to be a teacher, I think it will make her cringe to hear another child refer to her by Miss.

So what I want to propose is that every person, above the age of 26, or at least those who have friends who have children need to come up with "G" - a name that is acceptable for use by children.  That way it doesn't seem to be any level of disrespect to having a young person use your government name but at the same time, is appropriate when you are forming a relationship with this child that is "less" than formal.   For example, I have a friend who goes by Wonnie (*this is not the actual name it has been changed to protect this individual, although it may or may not rhyme with Wonnie).  I think that is a perfect kid approved name.

But.......maybe there needs to be 2 names.  The name you want kids you LIKE to call you....and then for those you really aren't too interested in...well, then Miss "government name" is probably the best way for that kid to not get smacked. 


Friday, June 14, 2013

It's True.... they weren't wrong.......

First, obviously I did NOT stick to my posting every 4 months....cause I just noticed it has been 6 months!!!  Let's not pretend that I have been busy doing super awesome and amazing things, cause really I haven't...just lazy, that's all.  However, since my last post they have TOTALLY changed the way this blog thing looks, so if it looks like a hot mess, SORRRRYYYY I don't know what I'm doing!

The vast majority of my posts (hahahah, sounds so funny when I've only posted like 8 times) are about my experiences as a mom with Miyagi and maybe a little sprinkle of ABD (awesome baby daddy, for those who have forgotten) but today, I've been inspired to think about my role as Mrs. ABD aka Boo aka Wifey.  In case there are people out there, who have happened upon my blog through the Google Tubes, which I doubt... yes, I am married.  I understand how my use of Baby Daddy could lead you to think other things...shame on you for sterotyping!

Let's go back...... hop in your Delorian .... the time 1994, give or take a few years.  I'd be...well, in junior high.  I don't remember where I was or how the subject came up but all I remember is hearing the phrase "Most women end up marrying someone like their father".... EWWWWWWWWW GRROOOOSSSS! How awful does that sound to a junior high girl who is JUST starting to even think boys don't have cooties?! ( I say that for my dad, because I always thought boys were kinda cute, ha)

Now, I have a really great dad..don't get me wrong.  But when I was younger, well, he did his job...he was my dad! He was tough. He protected me. He grounded me. He wasn't always nice. I didn't always get what I wanted.  He wasn't my friend, he was my dad.  And of course, I couldn't STAND him for all of those reasons.  So, there was NO way I would ever marry someone like that man! (dad, if you are reading this...this is my 1994 self talking, not now)

Fast forward... meet the Jetsons! (no flying cars).  The time 2006.  I meet a boy, excuse me, I meet a man.  He's aight (teheheh).  He falls head over heels for me.  Realizes he can't spend a moment without me. Wifes me (for those who don't understand that, it means he married me)... and here we are! --you're probably wondering where the F is this going. (longest post ever)

One day I noticed a lot of things..... similarities between that man who lives with me and that man who raised me.
  • They get to have ME in their lives
  • They are athletic
  • They are very social creatures - they like to go out with their friends and do things. 
  • They think they are HILARIOUS
  • They like to go on trips
  • They are control freaks.  When they go on trips, see previous bullet, they like to plan it out!
  • They are really good at planning trips.  Their friends should be LUCKY they were born, cause their trips would SUCK without them
  • They take care of their homes and wifeys (, not sure) first!!!!
That last bullet is the biggest deal.  No matter how social they both are they always make sure that their wifeys are taken care of first! Time is spent with them (and the kids first). Some people (aka haters) seem to think that once you get boo'd up (this means once you get in a relationship) that things have to change.  All your time should be spent at home.  ARE YOU SERIOUS! I love that man, but I also love him when he is not all up in my SH!T!  How else would I get my @ home WineFest and Lifetime movie nights in (or the rare times Mama wants to go out). There has to be balance. And that balance may be, ABD goes out after Mama is in bed, and that is just fine by me!

I saw it growing up, so maybe this just makes sense to me.... so I guess the point is, finally...after all that hot mess up there...

I MARRIED MY DAD! (not in some incestual freak way, like on Maury...) And I coudn't be happier that I found someone to take care of me, the way my dad took care of my mom!! 


Friday, January 11, 2013

#2..... Here we go!

NOPE! NOPE! Nope!  This is not how I'm publicly announcing that we are expecting another child (although I am giggling thinking of the hate emails I will get). 

We are embarking on Age 2.  The "Terrible Twos".  Which I've acutally been informed, by several reliable sources, that Age 3-18 are MUCH worse.  Either way, I'm mentally preparing myself for an incredibly exciting and challenging year.  I'm pretty sure I thought that about Age 1, but we mananged to get through this past year rather effortlessly.  Sure there were challenges, but nothing that drove me to insanity (i was there a looonnnggg time ago)

However, 2..... Oh my gosh, I will have a 2 year old!

Why I will like having a 2 year old:
  • Confirmation that the first year was not a fluke and my mama super powers of growing a person also extends to keeping one alive
  • Increased vocabulary.  Miyagi is going to be hilarious! (he comes from a long line of "big" personalities)
  • ....... welp, that sums up that list
Why I will NOT like having a 2 year old:
  • Potty training: (even though we have semi-outsourced this task to our daycare providers and I'm hoping that all I will need to do is reinforce)
  • Moving to a big kid bed:  I'm keeping him in the crib as long as possible! The last thing I want to deal with is getting up in the middle of the night to stop him from playing OR even creepier.... waking up to a little person staring at me!  That's how kids get punched!
  • Tantrums, tantrums, tantrums: There is no hope for this. I tend to have a smart mouth and ABD can get angrier faster than Kim Kardashian can get divorced.  So... we have created a lethal weapon!
  • Independence/Control: apparently small children think they run shit! The word "NO" is a powerful tool to them and I don't like being told NO.
  • Discipline: UGHHH! My head hurts. Timeouts, spankings, whatever the choice may painful.  Not for Miyagi, hello, he did something wrong... but for me!  As ABD pointed out... until Miyagi can sit in timeout alone, it's really punishment for me too! 
    • Even though I pretend to be a hard ass sometimes, I don't like seeing my baby boy cry.  But I'm not doing my job if at some point he doesn't hate me!  I hated my dad for many many years-- but I never went to jail or wound up on Teen Mom, so he did something right!
Geessh....That's a 5 to 2 list.... not looking good! Naturally, the first instinct to get through this is to take a lesson from the Real Housewives -- drink wine from AM to PM!  But, that could end up with me being on Intervention...not a good look either.  Well, maybe the only way to end up not being an alcoholic is to get pregnant so I can't drink.  HAHAHAHA!  (just serious)


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

It keeps getting better, but why does it make me sadder! (YES, SADDER)

Apparently I am on a 4 month cycle of writing posts.  I would like to say it's because I'm sooo busy doing wonderful things with Baby Daddy and Miyagi..... but most of it's sheer laziness :-)  BUT.... I did have a vital organ removed (okay, vital is probably not even close, but an organ was removed) so that kept me down for a while.

SIDE NOTE: Even though the only people who read this are those who know me, I'm probably going to use this blog in 10 years when my memory is completely gone to remember things that happened.  Gallbladder removed, check! Realization that Baby Daddy is amazing and steps up to the plate to be Mr. Mom, check!

The other day, while Jake and the Neverland Pirates was on, I found myself staring at Miyagi.  Not just gazing, but staring!  Like Level 5 creeper at the bar staring.  I just continue to be so amazed at him.  I know my last post talked about realizing that I was IN LOVE with him, and that hasn't changed.... the love and sheer amazement just keeps getting stronger.  Who knew that your heart was the most elastic muscle in your body (it is a muscle, right?)  It can just expand and grow beyond comprehension.

I'm just so proud of him.  Every new thing he does or says I just want to jump up and down and tell the world!  (generally I just send all my friends pictures of him doing pretty mundane stuff, but I think it's awesome... and because they are my friends, they better think it's AWESOME, too)!

And you know what, damnit, I'm proud of myself! (and Baby Daddy, but this isn't his blog).  Being a mom is NOT easy!  You doubt yourself, ALL THE TIME!  You sacrifice, a LOT! Your job never ends.  But it's so worth it!  And so far.... I think I've done a pretty awesome job with this little one! I would hope that I have taught him some things.  I hope my cheers for him when he does something give him the confidence that he needs to try new things (but new things does NOT include new foods, still working on that).  I hope that saying 'NO' to him teaches him that sometimes I do know best, but that NO doesn't mean I don't love you. 

It does keep getting better, but with each new word and milestone, my heart hurts a little more.  He's growing up.  Sure, he's not dating (even though he does give smooches and FaceTime with his boo) or going off to college yet, but it's all happening so fast!

I am excited for each new step, but for every CHEER, I secretly shed 2 TEARS (damn, that was good!)
I'm trademarking that.... somehow! This counts as documentation.  Maybe I'll make shirts and get famous!


Monday, June 18, 2012

Where does the time go?!!!!

That title means so much more than just the literal sense.  I can't believe it's been almost 4 months since I've written a post and I can't believe how much Miyagi is growing! We are rapidly approaching the 18 month (or year and a half --for those who don't like the continual use of months) mark!

I can't even begin to recount all of the things that have changed, and no they aren't meticulously documented in a baby book either (I gave up on that, ha).  What I can say is that at some point in the past few months I finally experienced that "I am so in love with my child" moment. 

1.) I don't care if you think that's weird, trust me, I did too-- "How can you be IN LOVE with your child"
2.) I also don't care if you are thinking --"How is she just now thinking that, I've been in love with my kid since Day 1" -- to that comment, I would say you are lying, ha!

I've always loved Miyagi.  I've always thought his presence was pretty miraculous.  But, for a long time, babies are kind of lame.  Kind of like a pair of bad @$$ shoes!  Awesome to look at, but kind of worthless!  They sometimes can make you cry and some times you just want to chuck them across the room! Let's all be honest with ourselves :-)

But recently I have just been in complete awe of what he can do! He has such a big personality (wonder where that comes from) and is just so smart! Yes, I think my child is the smartest little person I've ever known.... and all you other parents should be saying "Nope, mine is" -- cause as a good parent, we should ALWAYS be our children's #1 supporters!

I know that a lot of his amazingness comes from the two amazing people that came together and created him, but we can't take all of the credit.  WARNING: the following is a discussion about my feelings on daycare vs. staying at home. If you get offended, please stop reading and go live in your little world where no one else can have opinions different from your own.

I love what he has learned from being at his daycare.  I truly believe that he is more social and a little more independent than I could have done on my own. (Maybe not, but this is all I know...maybe I would rock the stay-at-home-mom look.  I know some incredible stay at home moms, and I would want to be just like them if that was the right decision for me.) 

  • He's so helpful!
  • He cleans up his toys like it's an olympic sport!
  • He throws trash away without having to be asked! (and sometimes some things that aren't trash). 
  • He puts his cup up in the sink when he is done.
  • His ability to understand directions is just beyond my comprehension!
  • He loves to sit and listen to stories.
  • He does great with routines--which is fabulous for nap times!  After lunch, we take a nap no fussing (yea, I said we cause sometimes mama needs to lay down).
Don't get me wrong, I have my guilty moments where I think "Should I be with him more....will I regret this".  But I know it's right.  I love the end of the day when I pick him up and even more, I love the time we get to spend together on the weekends.  I firmly believe that QUALITY trumps quantity! (except in the case of money.  All dollars are the same, but more is better).  I cherish every moment (well, not all, but that's what Nick Jr. is for!).  I will step off my soap box now!

Yeah, I'm in love with this little one!

I never knew that I would be blessed enough to say "I'm in love with two men"!!! But I'll take it!


Thursday, March 8, 2012

Yes.... Just Wait

This morning I was looking on facebook, for the usual --nothing great.....but then I came across a post from a friend.  She was referencing a post, "Joy or Just Wait" on a blog (I've included the link at the bottom of this post). 

The basics 'experienced' parents we sometimes tell other new parents about the impending doom they are about to experience.  Diaper blowouts, teething, ear infections, sleepless nights, etc.  But instead, we should be sharing the "Just Wait" moments that make your heart melt (or in my case, make me want to cry just thinking about).  So I decided to document a few of my favorite "Just Wait" moments for those of you out there who haven't experienced them yet.  I hope it makes you excited for what is ahead, or for those of you who have passed this makes you think back to your own!

JUST WAIT.......
  • Until you can lay in bed and listen to your little one blabbing away on the monitor, but realize they are just talking and entertaining themselves, and don't really need you to get back to sleep.
  • Until you go in to wake your little one up, in the morning, and cutie pie is just standing there waiting for you with a smile on their face.
  • Until you hear that belly laugh, from your little one, at the silly face or game you are playing.  They think you are hilarious and it's so great!
  • Until you see the joy and excitement on your little one's face when they have figured something out (stacking blocks, putting something in a bin, rolling over). 
  • Until you don't only see the joy and excitement, but they clap to let you know how proud they are they did it!
  • Until your little one wants nothing else but just to sit in your lap or lay their head on your shoulder.  They know the safest place is in your arms.
  • (Pause....wooh, starting to tear up a little thinking of Miyagi)
  • Until you go to pick your little one up (from daycare, grandparents, play date) and they can't get to you quick enough (it's even better if there are screams and a kid that gets pushed out of the way).
  • Until you say "Kiss" and your little one comes over and plants a big, wet, sloppy, open mouth kiss right on your lips!
  • Until you see your little one understanding and communicating with you.  I love when Miyagi can sign to me "all done" and "more"
  • Until you realize that your little one is an incredible person and YOU are responsible for that.
I can't wait for the rest of the "Just Waits" I get to experience!


Monday, February 13, 2012

Death by Toddler

I'm remembering a time when I thought I was confident, a little witty, and a smart woman.  Problems could be thrown in my direction and I was sure, with a little time, I could figure out a solution.  May not have been the perfect solution, but it was something! 

Then I had Miyagi. Of course there were those moments when, as a baby, I spent so much time agonizing over the little things.  Is he sleeping enough? Is he getting enough to eat? Is he stimulated? Does he like me? But, over time I figured it out and the solution presented itself (or in reality, something else probably happened and that "problem" I cared about before, just wasn't important any more).

But that Miyagi is a "toddler" I realized, last night, that the woman I once was, is DEAD!  No, not in the Lifetime movie way where a crazy child has some how managed to physically end a grown adult's life, but mentally.... he is getting into my head and zapping all those "smart" parts of my brain. 

Toddlers are tricky, sneaky and manipulative!  You think for one second you have them figured out... "Oh, he loves to eat carrots and chicken" yeah, but that was Tuesday and today is now Wednesday and he wants nothing to do with it.  And he looks at you and says (with those devious eyes), "Now what"--like he has you totally punked! (which he does).

Or better yet, one minute you both are on the floor playing with some toy that seems to be interesting, giggling and laughing and then in a millisecond..... your toddler has arched his back, thrown himself on the floor (exorcist style) and is crying hysterically.  You sit there stunned, like a deer in F-ing headlights, what just happened. You can't move. You don't know what to do. You look for help and no one is around.   That smart woman who would have had an answer, oh yeah, she's dead! 
So you wait. And wait, and wait.  And sure enough just as quickly as he changed from angel to psychiatric patient waiting for evaluation, he's back....giggling and laughing.

So maybe that's it...... just as quickly as they change one way, they just as easily can go back.  The only thing you can do is just wait it out.

OMG! Was that a solution? ....yes, my friends, it was! 

I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have risen from the Dead, like a phoenix from the ashes (okay, a little dramatic, but a good visual!)